Ciao Chow Linda: Southern Italian Jarred Green Tomatoes

Ciao Chow Linda: Southern Italian Jarred Green Tomatoes: Don’t let those green tomatoes waste away on the vines. Instead, try this unique way of preserving late season green tomatoes - a recipe t...

What is the Italian name for this dish. We make a similar one with tomatoes,  green peppers, and jalapeños.. Called Free, pronounced fraysay. Not sure the correct spelling.

Survivorship 101, Part 1

I thought it was time to add a survivor picture to the header - this was taken a couple of nights ago. The top picture was taken the day after my first chemo, we had a scarf and hat testing luncheon. I think I like having hair again.  I'm so thankful that they live close, and were, and are, there for me.  Thank you Juliana, Teresa, Katrina and Emily (granddaughter).

Survivorship 101 has been one of the hardest things I've done. Harder than the treatments for sure. During treatment you are all tied up with your doctor appointments, tests, treatments, dealing with the immediate side effects of what is going on today. It doesn't leave you a lot of time for anything else, just make it throught today, then when it's over, it will be over. NOT TRUE! It's never over, just different. I think that some women like to try to believe it's over, and maybe they are successful at resuming their lives as they were before, but not me.

I just re-read my plans for survivorship from the May posting. Sounded easy, but not so much.

The good things-

• Cancer Free!!!!!
• Cancer Free!!!!!!!!
• Cancer Free!!!!!!!!!!
• Awesome God
• Super Family
• Wonderful support system of friends & other cancer survivors
• Helpful, caring, listening doctors
• It could be worse

The bad things -

• If you don't have something good to say don't say anything at all.

Coming soon to this blog, my thoughts on Pinktober, support groups, managing side effects and more.  My plan (early New Year's resolution) is to blog more often!

Thanks and God Bless you all,
Linda

I'm Gonna Love you Through It - Martina McBride

My daughter Juliana said she had heard a song on the radio the other day about baggy shirts... and she thought it was about breast cancer.  I found the song, it's a beautiful new song by Martina McBride.  Here's the link to her official video.  It's beautiful!

Support Groups - Guest Blog by David Haas

Recently I was asked if I allowed guest bloggers on my blog.  I hadn't really thought much about it, but it did motivate me to start sharing again.  I recently started volunteering for a couple of hours on Tuesdays at the WVCI visiting physcians office and infusion room in Florence.  I have to say it's been wonderful so far, I love seeing every one again, and giving back - I think that it is helping me move toward my new normal (well maybe).  I'm also getting Reach to Recovery training from the American Cancer society, I'll then be able to volunteer with the ACS. 

My guest blogger is David Haas - he contacted me after reading my blog.  He felt that his information would fit right in with mine, and I quite agree - The topic is on support groups - before sharing his information I'd like to talk a little about support groups.  I'm a member of our local cancer support group for women - The Sisterhood - I started attending about two weeks after my diagnosis, they've helped me in so many ways, I can't even begin to tell you, the value of a group that allows you to voice your fears, joys, questions, anger.. is invaluable.  There are alot of things that you might not want to talk about with your family, and this is the safe place where you can share these things, and not only can you share your issues, they are an amazing resource on how to deal with them, and are also great sounding post to just let you get some things off of your chest.  Yesterday, while I was volunteering at the cancer center the subject of support groups came up, a lovely lady was quite disturbed that there was no support group in her community - the infusion room becomes a support group at times, but she would like more.  David shares information on this subject as well as some links to online groups that you might want to check out.  Also, you can check out his blog at - http://haasblaag.blogspot.com.  I hope you enjoy this as much as I did......

They're Waiting to Welcome You
By: David Haas

A room full of concerned & compassionate loved ones surrounds you, yet you've never felt more alone. You look around at the faces of well-intentioned family and friends, yet can't find a single person who can genuinely relate to what you're going through. How can you be expected to express your appreciation to these people, what you really want to do is be left completely alone because none of these people have the experience to possibly understand.

Our personal stories, our coping strategies and our support systems may vary somewhat, but the truth is, you are never alone. Your experience is not unique and you don't have to figure this out all on your own. Sometimes the very people you need the most are the ones that you have never met, as so many are discovering through the gift of cancer survivor networks and supportive Internet programs. It's often in our anonymity that we are able to discover our true strengths and admit our deepest fears, along with making connections that we'll treasure a lifetime.

It's undeniable that speaking with and/or writing about your feelings with people who have been where you are can reduce stress, improve feelings of well-being and confidence, lessen loneliness, and help with coping skills, among other benefits. But now cancer support groups are being looked at as a possible direct link to improving the health of it's members. A recent small-scale study at Stanford actually found significant health benefits associated with involvement with these type groups. Larger-scale studies of this type are ongoing.

While some groups are dedicated to one particular type of cancer, patients vs. survivors, etc., many sites, such as Cancer Support Community, offer a comprehensive support site where you can find everything covered, from mesothelioma support groups, to help selecting a doctor to caregiver support and much, much more. This particular site even has a new smartphone app so that you can access it anytime, anywhere. I found the quote at the top of it's homepage particularly sums up the point:

"Having a place to share experiences and questions with others, as well as learn how to cope, all from the comfort of their home, will greatly benefit cancer patients.” - Ted Kennedy, Jr.

Gone are the days when cancer is something anyone has to face alone. So the next time you're fretting over cancer care costs or you want to hear experience from real patients who've undergone alternative therapies or you just feel inspired to share your own story with others who can find inspiration in it, remember you're only one click away from 1,000's that may even know you better than you know yourself.

Thank you David!!

Hair!!!!! Last Herceptin!!!!! Survivorship!!!!!

Tomorrow is my last Herceptin, hopefully I'll have the port removed by the end of the month, and my hair is growing.  It's been one heck of a year.  A year of trials and a year filled with more blessings than I could ever imagine. 

I was asked recently "HOW DID/DO YOU GO FROM BEING A PATIENT TO BEING A SURVIVOR?"  Here is my answer - "Wow this is a tough one - I just had my one year mammogram, only one more Herceptin to go, survived mastectomy, chemo and radiation, on my third type of AI (the doctor keeps changing them hoping it will help with the pain), I'm still very fatigued and lots of pain (from the AI's? residual side effects from chemo and radiation?). I'm waiting to feel like a survivor, and wish it would happen soon, instead, I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. So at this point I still feel like a patient. I'd sure appreciate any tips on how to move on to feeling like a survivor. I like the idea of the the survivorship plan and the retreats."
Well, I'm happy to say, that in the last couple of weeks, I've gone from feeling like a patient (one who wrote that pathetic answer above), to feeling like a survivor.  So what helped me go from patient > survivor?  I'm not sure, but these may have contributed to the change -

• 1 year appointment with my surgeon
• a good mammogram report
• last Herceptin coming up w/port removal
• proactively dealing with the lingering side effects of treatment (find out what can be taken care of and what I will have to learn to live with)
• started yoga, swimming or walking almost every day
• conscious effort to stop thinking the negative thinking
• pray more for the grace to trust in the Lord

We choose how we handle the trials that come our way - my FNP recommended a book - "Managing your Pain Before it Manages You" - I think that can apply to a lot of things in our life besides pain - we don't choose a lot of the things that happen in our lives, but we can manage the way we deal with them!  So - now I can truly say, though I still am a patient, I'm also a SURVIVOR!!!!

And on another subject - I'm reading this wonderful book, "The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer", recommended to me by an oncology nurse.  It's kind of a big book, but worth the time, it's a fascinating history of cancer and cancer treatments, it reads like a good murder mystery, I can't wait to see how it ends!! 

God Bless you,
Linda

William Li: Can we eat to starve cancer? | Video on TED.com

I really need to get back to blogging, but meanwhile, I love to share these videos that I run across.

William Li: Can we eat to starve cancer? Video on TED.com

ILLUSION - A Short Film

I came across this video today, it speaks volumes to the emotions that go along with breast cancer.  It's beautiful.

Linda

2011 - The Year of the New Normal

The Girls - Christmas at Teresa's

I can't believe that 2010 is over, it flew past, I guess time flies when you're having fun? 

I think that it may be time to rename the blog.  I've completed Breast Cancer 101 and passed with flying colors.  I'm considered cured and taking precautionary measures to make sure that there are no nasty little cancer cells dwelling out there in my body somewhere just waiting for their chance to start a new colony, the Herceptin and Armidex are my vigilant watchdogs.  Thank you God for modern medicine - these two therapies haven't been used for adjuvant therapy for that long. 

Now it's time to find that new normal I hear so much about.  My old normal will never be there again, so I need to stop waiting for it to return and move on to my "new normal".  Easier said than done.  I get so excited when I have a little window of the old normal, I think "Tomorrow I will be able to get out there, get a job, cook dinner, do the laundry, visit friends, clean the house....", and then 15 minutes later I'm taking a nap.  The doctors and nurses, and my family, are awesome, they tell me I need to let my body heal, it will still take a while, I've been through a lot, lower my expectations to be more in line with reality, again easier said than done.  I guess I've always been kind of an overachiever, expecting more of myself than others do, it's hard to break that pattern in my brain. 

New Normal Rules -  (not necessarily in order of importance)

• Trust  that God is control and I need to let Him show me the way.
• Rest when I'm tired
• I'm not being lazy - I'm healing
• Don't cry about it, there is nothing you can do
• Recognize my limits
• One step at a time - sometimes that means one step forward and two steps back, but other times it's two steps forward and one step back
• Realize that I really am getting better, remind myself how I felt after chemo and again after radiation, I actually have come a long way
• Look to the future - realize my new possibilities, they may be totally different than what I've done in the past
• Enjoy each day
• Love my family
• See the beauty that God has laid out there for us
• Take the low times in stride, recognize it as part of the healing process
• Live each day with love and thankfulness
• Enjoy the rain 
• Dance and smile



Ambrose



Apples to Apples

On a more general note - Our Christmas was very blessed.  We got to spend wonderful time with all of our children and their families, and we were blessed with a new grandson on Christmas Eve.

Soul of Christ, sanctify me.  Body of Christ, save me

Blood of Christ, inebriate me.  Water from Christ's side, wash me

Passion of Christ, strengthen me.  O good Jesus, hear me

Within Thy wounds hide me,  Suffer me not to be separated from Thee

From the malicious enemy defend me.  In the hour of my death call me

And bid me come unto Thee.  That I may praise Thee with Thy saints and with Thy angels

Forever and ever

Amen

God Bless you all and thanks for keeping me in your prayers,

Linda

Wow - I can't Believe It's Been More than a Month

Jude and I preparing sauce for Thanksgiving Dinner

My primary treatments (Chemo and Radiation) are over, my chest has mostly healed, I had bilateral carpal tunnel surgery, and I lost my job.  Time to start the next adventure I guess. 

Completing my primary cancer treatments is a huge milestone.  I just wish I knew what it meant.  I'm faced now with a whole new future.  Where do I go now?

Father David had an amazing homily yesterday at Mass - He spoke of the quiet faithfulness of St. Joseph (something that I want to learn and practice) and also quoted Joseph Campbell (who I'm not sure I agree with all of his theories) who said "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."  My week will be spent trying to live that - what does God have planned for me next, because my life is in His hands, not mine, and I need to be open to what He has in store for me. 

I know what I don't want in my life going forward and I know what I do want.  I don't want the high stress, pressure, negativity, and, I do want more God, family, and me time.  I guess God is taking care of it, please pray that I will be able to recognize what He is showing me. 

God Bless you all and have a Blessed Christmas,
Linda

Katrina's Head Shaving Video

Katrina just shared the video that she and Liriel did when she shaved her head - thanks Katrina - I love you.

Happy Halloween - only 6 more days of radiation - What Now?




Demi, Ellie, Eli and Anthony

 

Well, the intense treatments are coming to an end soon, it seems like I should be excited, but am I?  Not really, more like scared, depressed, sore, lost, exhausted, happy, nervous, stressed, emotional, relieved .... I think that I've been so busy handling the day to day medical treatments and their effects that I really haven't come to terms with the fact that I have/had cancer. 





Vincent







What next?  I still have infusions every 3 weeks for a year, and take an aromatase inhibitor to stop the estrogen in my body for 5 years, these both have side effects that need to be dealt with... and... Is the cancer really gone?  Will it recur?  How long before I feel normal again, hmmm?  I hear that now I have to find my "new normal", that my life will never be the same after this experience.  I believe it! 



Jude and Isaac



According to my doctors I've handled my treatments well, I wonder what it's like if you don't - YIKES!  After cancer treatment you are left with a exhausted, battered, bruised and burned body - cancer free, hopefully, but damaged.  My body hurts everywhere, to the point where it's hard to move, my mind can't concentrate on anything longer than 5 minutes, unloading the dishwasher is exhausting.  So how do I find that new normal?  How do you begin to heal spiritually, emotionally, physically?  I don't know, but now I'm going to find out, one day at a time, starting right now!!!







Paul, Thomas and Isaac



I started looking up information on how long this healing process can take - most sources say that you should expect it to take at least as long as you were in treatment to heal, then you will probably never feel like you did "before".  I asked one of my doctors last week what my expectations should be, she said I should consider thinking about trying to go back to work part time after the first of the year, and see how it goes.  I don't know if this makes me feel worse or better, at least it makes me feel like I'm not a whiner and a wimp (looking for the positive here)!  





 



Emily and Sarah



On the bright side - my hair and eyebrows are growing back, my family has been amazing, supportive, helpful, patient, understanding...I could go on and on; I feel somewhat better than while I was undergoing chemo, I can drive again, sometimes I can cook a whole meal by myself, food tastes right now, I've lost weight, I can walk further without getting tired, and I'm almost done with rad

George and Vegas

iation.  The support from friends and acquaintances has been overwhelming (thank you all), the cancer survivors have been shining examples of strength, information, bravery and so much more, the doctors, nurses, MA's, radiation therapists...have been wonderful. 







Paul, River, Devin and Thomas



There is so much to be thankful for, I know that with all that I've been given, and with so many people praying for me that I'll find my "new" normal, and it will be better than my "old" normal.









Thanks and God Bless you - and Happy Halloween,



Linda







Living Proof - Herceptin a monoclonal antibody for HER2/Neu+ Breast Cancer

This is a great movie about what it took to get Herceptin as a standard of treatment, not only for metastatic breast cancer, but all breast cancers that over express the HER2 protein, causing this to be an especially fast growing cancer that had a higher recurrence rate.  Read all about this great drug, which has been part of my treatment, and will be for the next several months, at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trastuzumab

I laughed and cried, sympathized and understood.  The movie was very well done and it was a great portrayal of women with breast cancer.  Check out the trailer, I was able to order the movie from Netflix - if you watch it let me know what you think.



Linda

Guest House - Radiation - Eye Surgery

 The Guest House Deck is beautiful and peaceful.  You can sit in the porch swing, eat at the tables, and as it gets dark you can see the wildlife come out - ducks, nutria, and a very large family of raccoons.  The sound of the fountain softens the sound of the traffic.  It's so peaceful and restful.  It certainly hasn't hurt that the weather has been so nice, it's been perfect for sitting out there in the evening, and just watching the world go by.  And the college kids and the fraternity guys in the building across the creek, but Katrina hasn't noticed so don't tell her.

Here's a picture of our room, it's nice and cozy, but roomy enough for the both of us.  It's really quiet and private.  I couldn't think of a nicer place to stay.  We've since moved to a different room upstairs with a couch and queen size bed, it's even nicer.





It looks like the eye surgery has been successful, my eyes have stopped watering, mostly, and I can see well enough to drive some and read for more than 5 minutes.  I see the doctor tomorrow for the follow up.  I have to say that the reaction that my eyes had to the taxotere has got to be one of the worst and most inconvenient side effects of the chemotherapy.

I started the hormone therapy - Arimidex (anastrozole), not sure how it works, but it somehow block estrogen.  The generic form of this drug has only been available for a couple of months, my pharmacist told me that a couple of months ago his cost for the drug was $475 for a 30 day supply, now that it's generic his cost dropped to $10 for a 30 day supply, hmmmmm, I wonder what that says about the pharmaceutical industry?

Radiation is progressing well.  We'll see what next week brings.

It sure is great to come home on the weekends.

Later,
Linda

Eugene - Radiation Day 0

Wow - that was interesting!!  I'm all set up and ready to be radiated.  I'm scheduled for 30 days starting tomorrow.  They tattooed me - 7 in all.  I think that I have more tattoos than any of my kids do now, mine would be a little hard to find, and they look like a connect the dots picture, but hey, I can now say that I have a tattoo now.  I think they should make little flowers, but they might be a little hard to line up with the laser lights and templates for the radiation machine.  I asked my radiation therapist, Jeff, where he learned to tatto, and he said prison, I guess that's why they aren't real cool tattoos. 

Katrina and I are all settled in to the Children's Miracle Network - Lions Guest House.  It's so nice and peaceful.  Pictures to follow. 

The Beginning of the End of Treatments - Radiation is finally here

A cousin of Rick's would like to have this
tattoo in honor of her nonna (grandma)
who died from breast cancer when
she was a little girl. 
I'm not advocating for tattos, but I
love the picture.

Wednesday was Simulation Day for radiation - the last phase of the intense part of my breast cancer treatment. 

Simulation is the beginning of the radiation process.  The radiation oncologist draws with a red permanent marker the area on your chest that needs to be radiated with shallow radiation.  In my case the area includes any place that used to contain breast tissue and the area where the lymph nodes were taken from - so it goes from my collar bone to the bottom of my ribs (below where the drains were after my surgery), to the center breast bone, and in to the arm pit.  This area will be radiated with the shallow radiation.  After the doctor does her drawing, the radiation tech taped metal pieces over the surgery scar and on the edges, then does a CT scan.  This gives them an idea of where everything is, heart, lungs, etc... they use all of this data to design the radiation plan.  I came home with the red box on my chest, and little pieces of tape that need to stay on until after they tattoo me :-).  They will also radiate along my collar bone with the deep type of radiation.  It's a really interesting process, a little scary, but interesting.

Monday is Day 0 in the radiation process, after taking all of the data from yesterdays' scans and pictures, they set the radiation machine up, and make templates, tattoo me (only the size of pin heads, nothing cool or pretty), and do a test run through of the radiation process.  Then the real thing starts on Tuesday. 

Since the radiation will be 5 days a week for about 6 weeks, I'll be staying in Eugene during the week and coming home on the weekend.  Katrina will be with me most of the time and we will be staying at the Children's Miracle Network Guest House. Kind of like a mini vacation - well maybe?

I'm also getting stents in my tear ducts next week - hopefully it will help with my eye issues and I will be able to drive again!!!!!

Check out the Army of Women widget that I added, it's a pretty amazing project, dedicated to finding a cure for Breast Cancer. 

I received a great Breast Cancer magazine from Joanie at Ladies First Choice Breast Cancer Boutique in Salem, it's called Breast Cancer Wellness Magazine, they have a website, breastcancerwellness.org, order your free subscription.  It's is a very informative and interesting magazine, it encourages you to go beyond being a Breast Cancer Survivor to being a Breast Cancer Thriver!

More from Eugene next week (hopefully).

Love and God Bless you,

Linda

Moving On To the Next Phase - less detail - more positive - Strangeness of Chemo

Well the big chemos are over!!! I thought that I would feel excited and relieved, but I'm not. I think it's been overwhelming and maybe just hasn't hit home yet, once the side effects start to subside maybe then I'll feel the excitement.

This has been a multi-phased journey, I was going to say a 3 phase journey, but I don't think that would really cover it. The 3 phases that I was thinking of were - Surgery - Chemo - Radiation - that plus so much more.  I typed a big long list of the phases, but decided not to share it, sounded kind of negative.

So, on the positive side, 6 months down, 2-3 months more of treatments (not counting the targeted and hormonal therapies, but those should be easy), then on the road to recovery.

I just flashed on the weirdness of Chemo and how it becomes normal - imagine walking in to a room full of people, you're greeted by the nurse and the others already there, the nurse plugs you in to your special cocktail through your port or an IV, then you just all sit around and chat as your special mix pours in to you to do it's job - Normal?  I guess it is, for now. 

Thanks be to God that the big chemos are over, and hopefully I'm on the easier side of the hill.

Love and God Bless,
Linda

Please pray for a family friend, Ron, who died this morning, Eternal rest grant on to him oh Lord!  And please pray for his family, Rosalie, Rhonda, Rod, Randy and all.  Thanks!

Last Big Chemo Tomorrow!!!! Can't wait for this part to be over!!!!

Well here it is almost 2am the night before my last big chemo and I'm exhaustedly (is this a word) wide awake and working on my blog - you gotta love the steroids :-).  It would be fun if I could see better, but again thank you Jim Mix for teaching us to type without looking at our fingers or the paper, proofreading is done after, not during. 


Finishing up with the big gun Chemo drugs, doesn't mean that I'm done, just done with the heavy duty stuff. 

I'll continue to take the Herceptin once every three weeks for a year through my wonderful port.  Ports are a great thing I'm so happy that they placed one in me, now  I don't have to have an IV placed every time I get an infusion, without the port I would have to had an IV placed at least 30 times in a year, that would be yucky!  Anyway - Here is some info on Herceptin and how it works.  It's a targeted therapy for breast cancer tumors that test positive for the Her2/Neu protein, I pulled the following information from this website -http://www.herceptin.com/adjuvant/what-is/index.jsp

Herceptin (trastuzumab) is not chemotherapy or hormonal therapy. Herceptin is a type of targeted cancer therapy known as a monoclonal antibody (sometimes called targeted biologic therapy). Antibodies are part of the body's normal defense against bacteria, viruses, and abnormal cells, such as cancer cells. 1,4

•Monoclonal antibodies are produced in a laboratory by making multiple copies of a single cell. Monoclonal antibodies are designed to recognize a specific protein on certain cells and signal the body's immune system to destroy the cell 2

•Monoclonal antibodies are generally a more targeted therapy than chemotherapy 2,3

To receive Herceptin, your tumor must be tested and be HER2+. 

I'll also be starting a hormonal therapy soon, I believe it's called Arimidex, and it's an aromatase inhibitor, which works by lowering the amount of the hormone estrogen in the body.  This is given to postmenopausal women with Estrogen/Progesterone positive tumors, like me.  It's given orally for 5 years.  It decreases the risk of recurrence of the cancer, as does the Herception.  

I think that the treatments that I've received are amazing, and the progress made in treating breast cancer in the last 5 years is incredible.  It's wasn't that long ago that the only options were surgery and the heavy gun chemo drugs and radiation, which worked well, but now with the addition of targeted and hormonal therapies the treatments work even better.  Just imagine the advances that will be made in cancer therapies over the next 5-10 years. 

The next step will be 6 weeks of daily radiation treatments in Eugene, starting around the end of the month - this addition to my therapy adds more power to the treatments that I'm receiving and also greatly decreases the chance of recurrence. 

Why am I looking forward to tomorrow - because if everything works like it's supposed to, I won't ever need the big chemo drugs again. I won't have to work through the challenging side effects, suffer this kind of exhaustion, pain, worry, stress, depression, intestinal issues, sight/vision issues, emotional swings and anger, the list goes on and on, but these were the hardest for me. 

In many ways Chemo was easier than I expected-

• I didn't spend hours with my head over the toilet throwing up, just a few days of slight nausea that could be controlled through meds, two week of food and drink tasting really bad, and two weeks of intestinal issues, but nothing that couldn't be overcome pretty easily.
• Pain - not too badly just generally achy most of the time, Vidodin helps when it gets so that you hurt to much to sleep - I only need it every now and then.
• Worry, Stress, Depression - I think that it just is part of coming to terms with Cancer and the the changes that it brings to you life - figuring out which worries are valid and which ones you need to let go of has been the hardest for me to deal with, but support groups, reading, prayer, prayer and more prayer, the support and prayers of family and friends, and asking your oncologist and the nurses all of your questions are things that have helped me a ton.
• Emotional Swings and Anger - this seems to come within a certain part of the cycle of therapy, when you feel really frustrated about your limitations, or just feel very overwhelmed by the whole thing - all I can say here is explain what you are feeling to family, so they don't think that your just mad at them or going crazy - and take an Ativan.  It's actually best to take the Ativan as soon as you recognize what's going on, it saves everyone a lot of stress.  Again you take have to take many of these or often.
• Exhaustion and sight issues have been the hardest for me to deal with - they both got worse each treatment and after the last one I didn't recover from either of these at all, and my big chemo is tomorrow.  It makes me wonder how long after my last one it will take for the exhaustion to go away - My eyes should get better once the stents are in, but....  not guarantees.
• Two things have helped me deal with these; one is taking walks, even when I don't feel like it and can't walk far, I always come back a little more energized than before, it doesn't always last long, but I'm always glad I took the walk, sometimes it's just round 1 block, but it helps.
• The only thing that has helped with the sight/vision issues is accepting them, not overworking my eyes, realizing I can't work, do computer work, read, drive except occasionally.  It's hard to give up these things, it makes you very dependent on others - but everyone has been great about accommodating my needs in this area.  I'm hoping that once the eyes are taken care of it will alleviate some of the exhaustion.

I would also suggest blogging or journaling it helps me deal with the issues better.  Putting this all down in writing makes you think about your issues and how you are dealing with them and what you could do to deal with them better.  That gives you the push you need to make the changes.

I really appreciate the input that I get from everyone, it helps a lot.  I have the best group of family and friends, and I've met so many new wonderful people on this journey that have now become a very important part of my life. 

• Those that I've met that have cancer and are in treatment, especially those that have been undergoing treatment for along time have given me such insight in to how to deal with things, they've encouraged me with their bravery, perseverence, postivity... 
• Those that have had cancer show me there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that, hopefully, I will be able to move on to an improved normal life again. 
• Those that work with the cancer patients, especially the infusion nurses, are an unbelievable fount of information, balance and prespective (you can get a litle out there sometimes during this whole thing, every time I've talked to one of the chemo nurses about any issues, they have pulled me right back to the appropriate perspective - thank you Claudia!) 

Well, I think that's more than enough for tonight, it looks like this got a little long. 

Thanks again for all of the prayers and support and thank you Jesus for being my guiding light. 

Jesus I trust in You!  O Mary conceived without sin pray for us!

God Bless you,
Linda

#6 Coming Up - Henna - 1 Rare Taxotere Side Effect -

Katrina has become quite the Henna artist.  We started out trying it to make semi-permanent eyebrows, but it didn't work well.  So, since we had all the Henna, Katrina learned all  about Henna Tattoos.  Here are a couple of pictures of the head tattoo that she designed and hand drew for me - thanks Katrina - I love it!!!!!!!

I came across this great book at chemochicks.com called "Turning Heads:  Portraits of Grace, Inspiration and Possibilities" (this is also the website that gave us the idea for henna head tattoos).  The book is written and compiled by a cancer survivor-here is an excerpt from the publishers - "Hats and head scarves are nowhere to be seen in these portraits of women who have lost their hair during treatment for cancer. Each picture, taken by a well-known photographer, captures bald women too intent on work or play to be bashful about their looks—among others, Melissa Etheridge belts out a Janis Joplin tune at the 2005 Grammys, a rodeo cowgirl poses with the cowboys, a surfer climbs a wave in Hawaii......  "  It's beautiful, with the portrait of each woman they offer a glimpse in to their cancer journey, in the back the photographers talk about the women they photographed.

Of all the books on cancer that I've read since my journey began, I have to say, this is at the top of the list.  It offers hope and inspiration, and takes away some of the fears that you experience when you are diagnosed with cancer.  I believe that every cancer center should give this book to newly diagnosed women with the packet you get.  This book is available through the Douglas County Library System, and Juliana was able to find me my own copy on Amazon, a used copy (you can't tell it's used) for under $10.  If you know someone that was newly diagnosed or are yourself dealing with cancer this is a must read!!! 

A little on one, not so fun, Taxotere Side Effect.  

Taxotere is an anti-cancer ("antineoplastic" or "cytotoxic") chemotherapy drug. Taxotere is classified as a "plant alkaloid," a "taxane" and an "antimicrotubule agent."  It is made from the bark of the Pacific Yew.  It kills cancer cells  - Yippee!!! It is also the drug that upsets your intestines, makes you lose your hair, lowers your blood counts, causes mouth sores - these are the common side effects.  It also has some less common side effects.

They body rids itself of the of the chemo drugs in many different ways, one way is through the tear duct system, some of the drug (toxin) is in your tears and drains out through the tear ducts.  Because it's an irritant, in 2-3% of women it causes irritation and swelling to the tear duct (punctal stenosis).  When your tear duct swells closed you have over tearing, headaches, distorted vision, very tired eyes, possibly permanent scarring ...  I'm one of the lucky (?) 2-3%. 

What does that mean to your daily life - it looks like your snorkeling, most of the time, and the rest of the time everything is just blurry; it's hard to focus, so driving, looking at the computer screen, reading, for more than a few minutes, if you can actually see well enough to do this, causes your eyes to tear excessively and run down your face (people think you are crying); it is exhausting to the eyes; and it causes headaches. At this point I'm basically unable to work or drive, so I have to find someone to drive me to all of my appointments.  Of all the side effects of the treatments this and the fatigue have been the most frustrating.

There are blessings though - Juliana, Teresa, Katrina, and Rick have been wonderful about rearranging their schedules to get me to where I need to go - thank you so much.  I've had dozens of other offers for rides (all of my friends and family are truly a blessing).  I'm also lucky to have a job that offers me disability pay.  Thank you Jim Mix for teaching me to touch type, that way I can type with my eyes closed!  Still need a proofreader, but at least I can type it myself. 

How is this treated - first they dilated and irrigated my tear ducts, then tried 2 rounds of steroid eye drops to see if that would decrease the swelling in the ducts, this works in 98% of women with this issue.  But apparently I'm in the 2% of the 2% of women that this didn't work for (doesn't it seem like if I'm that lucky I should be able to win the lottery?).  The next step is to have temporary stents placed in my tear ducts, that is scheduled for the end of September.  Even though I will be done with my taxotere by then it takes several months for your body to heal, and they want the stents in place to hold the tear ducts open while they heal, that way they won't have to put in permanent stents up the road (hopefully). 

This is teaching me, even more so, to put it all in God's hands.  He seems to be telling me to stop being such a control freak, not easy for me, but I'm getting better!

Thank you for all of the prayers and support!

God Bless you all,

Linda

 

I think I took too many naps today-now I'm awake and reflecting on the benefits of baldness -

No bad hair days!
Hairstyling time is greatly reduced!
Can't catch your hair on fire (happened to me twice)
Can't get your hair caught in the KitchenAid Mixer (only happened once)
Can't get it caught in the lawnmower (happened to someone else -not me - phew!)
Saves Money (never need a haircut or color)
It makes the gray go away
People don't recognize you - you can change you're identity everytime you leave the house!
Your head stays cool in the summer.
No Dandruff!
More aerodynamic - in theory you should be able to swim and run faster because of less resistance!
No more hat head!

Let me know if you can think of more benefits.

Linda

Fun with the Boys - Hair or No Hair - That is the Question?

Teresa's boys came on over to show me their haircuts, so

of course we had to get a picture.  Here we are without hair.

Of course since I had a new wig we all had to see how we looked with hair - what do you think?  Hair or no?