2011 - The Year of the New Normal

The Girls - Christmas at Teresa's

I can't believe that 2010 is over, it flew past, I guess time flies when you're having fun? 

I think that it may be time to rename the blog.  I've completed Breast Cancer 101 and passed with flying colors.  I'm considered cured and taking precautionary measures to make sure that there are no nasty little cancer cells dwelling out there in my body somewhere just waiting for their chance to start a new colony, the Herceptin and Armidex are my vigilant watchdogs.  Thank you God for modern medicine - these two therapies haven't been used for adjuvant therapy for that long. 

Now it's time to find that new normal I hear so much about.  My old normal will never be there again, so I need to stop waiting for it to return and move on to my "new normal".  Easier said than done.  I get so excited when I have a little window of the old normal, I think "Tomorrow I will be able to get out there, get a job, cook dinner, do the laundry, visit friends, clean the house....", and then 15 minutes later I'm taking a nap.  The doctors and nurses, and my family, are awesome, they tell me I need to let my body heal, it will still take a while, I've been through a lot, lower my expectations to be more in line with reality, again easier said than done.  I guess I've always been kind of an overachiever, expecting more of myself than others do, it's hard to break that pattern in my brain. 

New Normal Rules -  (not necessarily in order of importance)

• Trust  that God is control and I need to let Him show me the way.
• Rest when I'm tired
• I'm not being lazy - I'm healing
• Don't cry about it, there is nothing you can do
• Recognize my limits
• One step at a time - sometimes that means one step forward and two steps back, but other times it's two steps forward and one step back
• Realize that I really am getting better, remind myself how I felt after chemo and again after radiation, I actually have come a long way
• Look to the future - realize my new possibilities, they may be totally different than what I've done in the past
• Enjoy each day
• Love my family
• See the beauty that God has laid out there for us
• Take the low times in stride, recognize it as part of the healing process
• Live each day with love and thankfulness
• Enjoy the rain 
• Dance and smile



Ambrose



Apples to Apples

On a more general note - Our Christmas was very blessed.  We got to spend wonderful time with all of our children and their families, and we were blessed with a new grandson on Christmas Eve.

Soul of Christ, sanctify me.  Body of Christ, save me

Blood of Christ, inebriate me.  Water from Christ's side, wash me

Passion of Christ, strengthen me.  O good Jesus, hear me

Within Thy wounds hide me,  Suffer me not to be separated from Thee

From the malicious enemy defend me.  In the hour of my death call me

And bid me come unto Thee.  That I may praise Thee with Thy saints and with Thy angels

Forever and ever

Amen

God Bless you all and thanks for keeping me in your prayers,

Linda

Wow - I can't Believe It's Been More than a Month

Jude and I preparing sauce for Thanksgiving Dinner

My primary treatments (Chemo and Radiation) are over, my chest has mostly healed, I had bilateral carpal tunnel surgery, and I lost my job.  Time to start the next adventure I guess. 

Completing my primary cancer treatments is a huge milestone.  I just wish I knew what it meant.  I'm faced now with a whole new future.  Where do I go now?

Father David had an amazing homily yesterday at Mass - He spoke of the quiet faithfulness of St. Joseph (something that I want to learn and practice) and also quoted Joseph Campbell (who I'm not sure I agree with all of his theories) who said "We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."  My week will be spent trying to live that - what does God have planned for me next, because my life is in His hands, not mine, and I need to be open to what He has in store for me. 

I know what I don't want in my life going forward and I know what I do want.  I don't want the high stress, pressure, negativity, and, I do want more God, family, and me time.  I guess God is taking care of it, please pray that I will be able to recognize what He is showing me. 

God Bless you all and have a Blessed Christmas,
Linda

Katrina's Head Shaving Video

Katrina just shared the video that she and Liriel did when she shaved her head - thanks Katrina - I love you.

Happy Halloween - only 6 more days of radiation - What Now?




Demi, Ellie, Eli and Anthony

 

Well, the intense treatments are coming to an end soon, it seems like I should be excited, but am I?  Not really, more like scared, depressed, sore, lost, exhausted, happy, nervous, stressed, emotional, relieved .... I think that I've been so busy handling the day to day medical treatments and their effects that I really haven't come to terms with the fact that I have/had cancer. 





Vincent







What next?  I still have infusions every 3 weeks for a year, and take an aromatase inhibitor to stop the estrogen in my body for 5 years, these both have side effects that need to be dealt with... and... Is the cancer really gone?  Will it recur?  How long before I feel normal again, hmmm?  I hear that now I have to find my "new normal", that my life will never be the same after this experience.  I believe it! 



Jude and Isaac



According to my doctors I've handled my treatments well, I wonder what it's like if you don't - YIKES!  After cancer treatment you are left with a exhausted, battered, bruised and burned body - cancer free, hopefully, but damaged.  My body hurts everywhere, to the point where it's hard to move, my mind can't concentrate on anything longer than 5 minutes, unloading the dishwasher is exhausting.  So how do I find that new normal?  How do you begin to heal spiritually, emotionally, physically?  I don't know, but now I'm going to find out, one day at a time, starting right now!!!







Paul, Thomas and Isaac



I started looking up information on how long this healing process can take - most sources say that you should expect it to take at least as long as you were in treatment to heal, then you will probably never feel like you did "before".  I asked one of my doctors last week what my expectations should be, she said I should consider thinking about trying to go back to work part time after the first of the year, and see how it goes.  I don't know if this makes me feel worse or better, at least it makes me feel like I'm not a whiner and a wimp (looking for the positive here)!  





 



Emily and Sarah



On the bright side - my hair and eyebrows are growing back, my family has been amazing, supportive, helpful, patient, understanding...I could go on and on; I feel somewhat better than while I was undergoing chemo, I can drive again, sometimes I can cook a whole meal by myself, food tastes right now, I've lost weight, I can walk further without getting tired, and I'm almost done with rad

George and Vegas

iation.  The support from friends and acquaintances has been overwhelming (thank you all), the cancer survivors have been shining examples of strength, information, bravery and so much more, the doctors, nurses, MA's, radiation therapists...have been wonderful. 







Paul, River, Devin and Thomas



There is so much to be thankful for, I know that with all that I've been given, and with so many people praying for me that I'll find my "new" normal, and it will be better than my "old" normal.









Thanks and God Bless you - and Happy Halloween,



Linda







Living Proof - Herceptin a monoclonal antibody for HER2/Neu+ Breast Cancer

This is a great movie about what it took to get Herceptin as a standard of treatment, not only for metastatic breast cancer, but all breast cancers that over express the HER2 protein, causing this to be an especially fast growing cancer that had a higher recurrence rate.  Read all about this great drug, which has been part of my treatment, and will be for the next several months, at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trastuzumab

I laughed and cried, sympathized and understood.  The movie was very well done and it was a great portrayal of women with breast cancer.  Check out the trailer, I was able to order the movie from Netflix - if you watch it let me know what you think.



Linda

Guest House - Radiation - Eye Surgery

 The Guest House Deck is beautiful and peaceful.  You can sit in the porch swing, eat at the tables, and as it gets dark you can see the wildlife come out - ducks, nutria, and a very large family of raccoons.  The sound of the fountain softens the sound of the traffic.  It's so peaceful and restful.  It certainly hasn't hurt that the weather has been so nice, it's been perfect for sitting out there in the evening, and just watching the world go by.  And the college kids and the fraternity guys in the building across the creek, but Katrina hasn't noticed so don't tell her.

Here's a picture of our room, it's nice and cozy, but roomy enough for the both of us.  It's really quiet and private.  I couldn't think of a nicer place to stay.  We've since moved to a different room upstairs with a couch and queen size bed, it's even nicer.





It looks like the eye surgery has been successful, my eyes have stopped watering, mostly, and I can see well enough to drive some and read for more than 5 minutes.  I see the doctor tomorrow for the follow up.  I have to say that the reaction that my eyes had to the taxotere has got to be one of the worst and most inconvenient side effects of the chemotherapy.

I started the hormone therapy - Arimidex (anastrozole), not sure how it works, but it somehow block estrogen.  The generic form of this drug has only been available for a couple of months, my pharmacist told me that a couple of months ago his cost for the drug was $475 for a 30 day supply, now that it's generic his cost dropped to $10 for a 30 day supply, hmmmmm, I wonder what that says about the pharmaceutical industry?

Radiation is progressing well.  We'll see what next week brings.

It sure is great to come home on the weekends.

Later,
Linda

Eugene - Radiation Day 0

Wow - that was interesting!!  I'm all set up and ready to be radiated.  I'm scheduled for 30 days starting tomorrow.  They tattooed me - 7 in all.  I think that I have more tattoos than any of my kids do now, mine would be a little hard to find, and they look like a connect the dots picture, but hey, I can now say that I have a tattoo now.  I think they should make little flowers, but they might be a little hard to line up with the laser lights and templates for the radiation machine.  I asked my radiation therapist, Jeff, where he learned to tatto, and he said prison, I guess that's why they aren't real cool tattoos. 

Katrina and I are all settled in to the Children's Miracle Network - Lions Guest House.  It's so nice and peaceful.  Pictures to follow.